Which television chef would you most like to see throttled in a restaurant?

Which television chef would you most like to see throttled in a restaurant? I have to say, Nigella Lawson would be well down the list for me, as I’ve always rather liked her. It’s true that some of her recipes are a little precious, especially all that fairy cake stuff, but surely not to the point that one would wish to strangle her, or witness her being strangled?

Gregg Wallace, perhaps? He’s the one from Masterchef who looks like a badly boiled egg which is permanently on the cusp of ejaculation. Obviously Gordon Ramsay — that’s a given, as they say — but I’d also like to make a case for Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, who once served guests a pate made of placenta. Hugh is another one of those old Etonians who expects working people to go out and forage for their suppers and tells us all, in between munching placenta, how responsible we have to be about what we eat, for the good of the planet and so on.