Seeing the snaps of David Beckham, Victoria in tow, smirking like the cat that got the cream-covered canary at the King’s state banquet for the Qatari royals, I was in two minds. It pleased me to think of Meghan angrily slamming the doors of her 17 toilets, as the trophy couple the Sussexes once saw as friends so firmly showed their allegiance in the ongoing War of the Windsors. But on the other hand, there’s something rather unappealing about a monarchy which sups with showbiz, using a short spoon. We’ve just seen in the example of the American election how profoundly unimpressed people are when the powerful, rich and famous flock together too much, when entertainers get too chummy with people who are there as representatives of a nation.
The eldest, Brooklyn, has already been a model, a photographer and a TV chef, but he will probably be remembered as a laughing stock
It’s almost like Becks sits just beneath the royals as a representative of modern Britain, exerting soft power all over the show. Remember the King’s plans to ‘streamline’ the monarchy? Then he and the Princess of Wales became ill and, with H&M off griping in the Golden State and Prince Andrew confined indefinitely to barracks, it seemed like there weren’t enough royals ready, willing and able to perform the daily round of shaking hands and cutting ribbons. How handy that the Beckhams were able to step into the breach. And there are so many of them, which is handy if they ever need some spares to greet foreign dignitaries and the poor ungainly York princesses are busy buying things; David and Victoria are proud parents to Brooklyn (25), Romeo (21), Cruz (19) and Harper (12).
It’s a not inconsiderable achievement to keep such a long union – 25 years – as the Beckhams’s together, even more so considering the scandal that has dallied with them in the past. They’ve played a clever hand on this issue; there was that moment in last year’s Netflix documentary in which Victoria said of the tabloid revelations of David’s rumoured affair with Rebecca Loos: ‘It was the hardest period for us because it felt like the world was against us. Here’s the thing – we were against each other if I’m completely honest.’ If only the Sussexes had done their Netflix doc like that – mea culpa instead of poor me – we’d have more time for them.
Rather less admirable was when, speaking about the press attention her family attracted after they moved to Spain, Victoria said: ‘It was a nightmare. Everywhere we went, we were followed. It was an absolute circus – it’s really entertaining when the circus comes to town, right? Unless you’re in it.’ This being the case, how puzzling is it that she has encouraged all of her brood to enter into attention-seeking professions which will guarantee that they will be part of that circus from an early age?
Romeo is a model and Cruz is a musician; they appear to be living pleasurable lives, and it is doubtful whether they lie awake at night wondering what it’s all about. But the other two highlight the less enviable aspects of being the offspring of a union that is as much a merger as a marriage, with their parents’ determination to build up Brand Beckham above all. The eldest, Brooklyn, has already been a model, a photographer and a TV chef, but he will probably be remembered as a laughing stock; Daniel Mac, a TikTok star who has won 12 million followers by asking rich youngsters with expensive cars, ‘What do you do for a living?’ put the question to Brooklyn when he was still only 23 and driving a £1 million red McLaren. It’s poignant that a devoted mother like VB, who made her fortune by standing to the side and allowing more talented people to take the limelight foolishly furthered the career of her untalented son in the glamour industries. That decision has led him into public mockery, which I’m sure wasn’t her intention.
At the other end of the dynasty, young Harper’s name has been a trademark (as are those of her brothers) since the age of five; she is already on TikTok demonstrating make-up techniques and will doubtless be marketing a teenage cosmetic line before she is old enough to vote. It’s odd that when the Kardashians treat their children like industries, we recoil at their vulgarity – yet somehow the Beckhams have managed to do the same while still coming on like the Waltons.
Are they empire-building for their children simply because they’re money-mad? The Beckham parents have a combined wealth of some £455 million, according to the Sunday Times Rich List, yet Tom Bower alleged in his Beckham biography that they are extraordinarily stingy, to the point of appearing to be annoyed at an employee who’d claimed for an £8 taxi ride. During Covid, Victoria attempted to use the government furlough scheme to pay 30 staff £150,000 of public money.
For someone who was thought to be shy in his youth, Beckham has certainly developed into a smooth showman. There’s apparently no blotting of his copybook that he can’t recover from, from the alleged sexual generosity displayed on his Spanish sojourn to all that effing and jeffing on the telephone when he didn’t get a knighthood. Again, I am in two minds, unusually; his 12-hour queuing to see the Queen lying in state while other famous people pushed in – which cynical souls say was a set-up – I found genuinely touching.
Who could blame the King for wheeling him out to the Qataris? After all, Beckham is practically fam, having signed a £150 million decade-long deal with them as an ambassador. Being the public face of a country where homosexuality is punishable with a jail sentence is bad enough, but as Douglas Murray wrote here:
The BBC did say that there might be protests around the visit because of Qatar’s record on ‘LGBT rights’. But more troubling is that Britain should ever have welcomed the leadership of such a sordid, terrorist-supporting statelet. For two decades now Qatar has been one of the leading supporters, funders and hosts of the proscribed terrorist group Hamas. They have transferred billions of dollars to Hamas, and the Emir and his family continue to host the group’s leadership in luxury hotels and apartments in Doha.
Despite all the pomp, there was something deeply sleazy about a state banquet where kings, footballers and the inevitable Keir Starmer ooze around celebrating the visit of a man who bankrolls Hamas, all linked by their limitless thirst for money and their swinish desire to build dynasties. One imagines a ghastly celeb-run dystopia years from now where Princess Charlotte makes podcasts with Harper Beckham and the Beckham boys holiday in Qatar while Lilibet Ltd and Archie Inc throw insults from across the pond. Where only rich and famous people’s children are allowed to be rich and famous – an adoption of the monarchical model into show business. So though it’s fun to imagine Harry and Meghan getting their knickers in a twist over those photos of Posh and Becks swanking about, there’s really not much to choose between the whole shady lot of them.
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