What kind of Englishman is embarrassed by beating Australia?

Four months ago I wondered if this might be the worst Australian side in history. Previous contenders for that badge of shame were weakened by political disputes at home. Michael Clarke’s XI is the best available or, rather, the best available in the view of the Australian selectors. There are no excuses. No Packer disruption, no Chappell retreating to his tent, no nothing.

And little that happened at Trent Bridge has caused me to change that view. Many of us suspected Australia were likely to perform more strongly in England than in India but that does not make Clarke’s XI a vintage Australian side. Recalls for Chris Rogers and Brad Haddin have stiffened the team; they have not transformed it.

Shane Warne has written a column for the Telegraph claiming that Australia are now well-placed to win the series 2-1. They’re happier than England, he says! Spin the other one, Warnie. Ridiculous as that is, it’s not even the most preposterous article published by the Telegraph this week.