What backing singers are really thinking behind the ‘ooh, ooh, oohs’

Have you ever looked at backing singers and thought: what is their story? Do they or have they ever prayed for their time to come? As they are going ‘ooh ooh, ooh ooh’ behind Kylie are they thinking, ‘I want to kill Kylie’? Do they mind that no one knows their name? Do they ever ponder why it’s so often white artists with black backing singers and never the other way round? I have often wondered about all this, and now realise if I’d stopped idling over such questions, got off the sofa and done some digging, I could now be in possession of an Oscar. I’m a fool to myself; I truly am.

So I did nothing, and cleared the way for Twenty Feet from Stardom, which did get off the sofa, and did dig around, and did win the best documentary Oscar — that is, my Oscar — but I’ve decided: no hard feelings, because it’s just such a wonderful film and, get this, actually feels too short at 96 minutes.