West End churls | 4 August 2016

Piccadilly is ill-served by cafés, unless you consider House of Caviar a cafe. There is a Caffè Nero by St James’s church, which is Wren’s ugliest; either he leaked all his anger into it or bricks simply confounded him. There is a Starbucks by the Wolseley, a Costa across the road and an Eat off Jermyn Street; otherwise there is only Paul, which has good bread, enchanting service and a stupid name. But whimsical French patisserie doesn’t work in St James’s, which is very self-consciously English; it feels like a theme park in sugar. So tourists on a budget must go to Chinatown or, worse, Patisserie Valerie, whose window display is so fantastical it could be wrought by a bulimic Edwardian ghost. Better to eat at Putin’s polonium sushi bar, Itsu.

So the 5th View Restaurant (it’s a café, with another stupid name) on the fifth floor of Waterstones should be wonderful; this is the biggest bookshop in Europe.