Volvo 1; Melissa Kite: 0

‘And for my next trick,’ said the Volvo, as I parked at the supermarket and pulled the handle of the door to get out, ‘I shall refuse to open while you are inside.’

‘What the…?’ I said, after pulling the handle a couple of times. I clicked the lock button by the window just in case I had inadvertently managed to child lock the driver’s door. Then I clicked the unlock button on the key. Then I turned the ignition on and off. Then I tried the handle again. Then I decided to have a good scream.

I had only just had the 72 fault codes cleared by Karl the mechanic. The Volvo had been flashing warnings at me for weeks. But Karl could find nothing wrong.

Then there was the broken wing mirror, only partially fixed with a new mirror piece. The broken backing on the motorised unit couldn’t be replaced because according to the Volvo spare parts division — as hysterical and oversensitive an organisation as you might expect — that particular piece of dead plain black backing is extinct.