Unnatural behaviour

We are a canine village. Of course people outnumber dogs. But I doubt if the ratio is much above three to one. Like the rest of the country we favour Labradors and Jack Russells — most of which (or whom as their owners would say) are imaginatively called ‘Jack’. There is the occasional scuffle when incompatibles meet. My Buster was actually attacked by three inoffensive-looking golden retrievers who belong to an even more inoffensive-looking middle-aged lady, whose woolly hat creates a false sense of security. Fortunately, in my attempt to fend them off, I slipped and, by landing on Buster, both protected him from harm and won the reputation of a man who is prepared to risk his life to save his dog — or, at least, crush him to death rather than have him savaged.

However, most of us are conspicuously responsible owners. This means that we never fail to ‘pick up’ — maximum fine £200.