Unmasking the truth about Covid

You want some tomatoes? Come up here, we’re inundated. We’ve got a tomato mountain. That’s because nobody in the north of England eats salad vegetables, yet the government keeps sending up vast lorry-loads of the stuff to stop us dying of diabetes.

It’s an actual fact that nobody who lives north of Stamford, Lincs, has ever knowingly eaten cucumber. I watch the northerners sometimes in the Tesco at Chester-le-Street, shuffling hurriedly past the vegetable section, eyes averted, nervous lest a pak choi reach out and grab them. There are even tomatoes for sale in our local bakery – they’ve been placed next to the pasties and steak bakes, presumably in the hope that someone will buy one under the misapprehension that they are filled with meat and gravy. But still nobody eats salad veg up here. At least, not in bloody winter. We get through the cold season on pies and insulin.

A few locals, meanwhile, are continuing to wear face masks – people who refuse to accept that they were misled (unwittingly at first, later not so unwittingly). The first definitive meta-study on the efficacy of masks has been produced by the Cochrane Library, which is often described as the world’s best resource for evaluating health care interventions, and which works in partnership with the WHO. The lead author of the review, Tom Jefferson of Oxford University, summed up the findings: ‘There is just no evidence that they [masks] make any difference.’

Have you heard this reported on the BBC? Nope, me neither. I wonder if that gloriously arrogant tankie, Susan Michie – clinical psychologist and Sage adviser – is still wearing her stupid mask? I would guess that she is, because, as with most of the berserk left, hard facts play no role in her worldview.