Anna Baddeley

Under the Skin: one second of tits to every three minutes of glen

‘I thought it was supposed to go on for another half hour!’ said a man in the foyer on the way out. ‘When the alien got burnt to death I thought thank fuck for that.’

Before you get annoyed with me for giving away the ending, let me explain that this is one of those films where plot takes a back seat. More than that, it’s been tied up, gagged and locked in the boot. I can’t stand it when people give away the ends of films, which is why I never read reviews before going to the cinema. Too many reviewers have no respect for plot.

So I didn’t know that much about Under the Skin, only that it was based on a book by Michel Faber, which I hadn’t read, and that it starred Scarlett Johansson as a sexy alien who lures Scottish hitchhikers to their untimely fates. And that lots of people – and not just Total Film – were calling it a masterpiece.

Having watched Under the Skin, I still don’t know that much about it, although I do now know what Scarlett Johansson looks like naked.

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