UKIP is patriotic, fiscally conservative and socially libertarian – what’s not to like?

‘A conduit for pissed-off protest voters.’ ‘Farage’s Falange.’ ‘Fascists in blazers.’ These are some of the things friends have said about Ukip recently and I don’t want to embarrass them by naming names, for the last thing I’d wish on a mate is the queasy feeling I had this morning after a particularly bizarre anxiety dream. I dreamt that I’d agreed to let a (male) autograph hunter photograph my penis and that, rather than keep it to himself — as I’d trusted him to do — he sold it to all the newspapers.

No, I don’t understand the dream either. But still less do I understand those criticisms of Ukip, which only make any sense if a) you’ve never troubled to acquaint yourself with Ukip’s policies or b) you’re stuck in a bubble marked 2009 and haven’t twigged how radically the world has shifted since.

Let me tell you about my own political journey and we can compare notes.