Two batons better

The morning after the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra failed to elect a music director, I took a call from Bild-Zeitung, Berlin’s most popular tabloid, seeking analysis. Later, they asked me to write a full-page op-ed.

Now shut your eyes a moment and try to imagine any circumstance in which the Sun would ever shine an inch of space on an orchestral conductor — unless, of course, he or she was snapped pants down by paparazzi in an M4 layby. Nothing will ever convince British tabloids to overcome their class-based scorn for art and, while we may think of German media as less counter-elitist, Bild readers consume no more Beethoven per head than Sun browsers. So why the sudden interest?

Because, for Germans, this is existential. In Germany, culture defines nation. In Britain, it defines nothing. Angela Merkel likes to be seen enjoying herself at symphony concerts and, every summer, at Bayreuth. David Cameron would not know how to chillax at a Britten opera, or when to clap.