Tittle-tattle

In Competition No. 2414 you were invited to supply some typically trivial twaddle from a gossip column. All my life, from the days of ‘Jennifer’s’ vapid chatter in the Tatler to the more toxic and intrusive modern muck-rakers, I have regarded gossip columnists, along with the paparazzi, as one of the lower forms of life. A son of mine, in search of journalistic experience, was taken on as one. In my eyes he responded admirably by being sacked for ‘unsuitability’ a few weeks later. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus fiver goes to Thomas Loughborough. Enjoy.

What’s Millie short for? Because she’s got short legs, of course! No wonder, then, that when the delightfully petite Lady Millicent Time-Warner skipped up at last night’s Bowled Over premiere her famously immaculate ankles were winking out from beneath no less than three inches of trouser turn-up. But did our eagle eye detect a hint of a freckle? Meanwhile across the duckpond, turning up seems to have become a problem for Hal Featen.