My friend Dominic decided that it was time to convoke a lunch. There were matters to discuss, including that perennial topic, the travails of the Tory party. We met at the end of last week, before the Labour conference. In the old pre-Blair days, Labour conferences were generally run as benefit matches for the Conservatives, whose poll ratings were usually enhanced by several points. Perhaps those good old times would return. There was a jingle of yesteryear: ‘Anything you can do, I can do better.’ Mr Corbyn seemed determined to replace ‘better’ with ‘worse’, and the Labour conference did indeed go as well as we had hoped. Then the Supreme Court took a hand. We are back to confusion worse confounded.
Still, there is an antidote, as expressed in the third wisest phrase in the Tory lexicon, only surpassed by Lord Falkland and an anonymous Irishman. Falkland said that when it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change. The Hibernian was less elevated: ‘Well, this pig does not weigh as much as I thought it did, but then again, I never thought it would.’ The third prize goes to Julian Amery, purporting to quote a Russian grand duke: ‘Between the revolution and the firing squad, there is always time for a bottle of Champagne.’
Champagne is the most versatile of wines; it can be drunk at any hour of the day or night. As the name ‘fizz’ suggests, it is a splendid life enhancer. But Dominic had some old Champagne which ought to do more than merely fizz. He wanted to know how it was developing.
It was given a stiff test. We lunched at Oswald’s, Robin Birley’s new club, where members can store their own wine.
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