The Wiki Man

Following last week’s article, someone wrote asking me to dissuade them from buying the new ultra-thin Apple Air laptop, to which they had become curiously attracted. Delighted to help. In fact anything I can do to deprogramme you from the Apple cult will be time well spent. With luck you may end up devoting yourself to something more purposeful and constructive, such as Scientology.

It’s not that I don’t like Macs. My problem is with what we marketing chaps call user-imagery. Your typical Mac-owner belongs to that class of people which believe the greatest pleasure to be derived from life is to spend it feeling quietly superior to everyone else. In short, a bit intellectually self-satisfied: as a group, it would include environmentalists, all readers of Guardian Media, the entire Newsnight team, anyone who won’t let their children drink Coke and everyone who bought The God Delusion in hardback.

To me this smug streak goes against the grain of the internet age, which should allow ‘anyone to contribute without being hindered by the obscurity of his condition’. But my objection to this skinny laptop is not just philosophical but utilitarian. Why does it need to be so damned thin? What possible advantage does this wafer-like form confer? I have no idea of the circumstances of my own death, but I am fairly sure I won’t find myself gazing up at my family through a mass of tubes to tell them, ‘I’ve had a good life for the most part, but I just can’t shake off the feeling that my laptop was always a bit fat.’