The hole in the heart of Phillip Schofield

I’ve always found the word ‘presenting’ – as in TV presenting – somewhat comical. It’s such a giveaway. In theory, the presenter is presenting the show they host; in reality, they’re presenting themselves for public approval. To add to the fun, ‘presenting’ is also a word used to describe monkeys being rude with their nether regions.

Though they are often referred to as ‘the Talent’, a presenter can’t really be said to be gifted in the way other people are on television; a good actor, a fine singer, a nifty dancer. They don’t do – they are. So though they may appear to be the jammiest showbiz tribe – paid a fortune to sit there reading a cue-card – their position is also the most precarious. They are vertiginously dependent on the kindness – or at least the approval – of strangers in a way that performers with actual talent are not. Being seen to be ‘decent’ is a big part of this.