The unfashionable truth about motherhood

At The Spectator’s Parliamentarian of the Year awards, ‘Speech of the year’ went to Theo Clarke MP for her account to the House of Commons of the birth trauma which almost killed her. Credit to her, of course, for confronting her pain. But childbirth and early motherhood has always been traumatic and difficult.

What has changed is that it is now deeply unfashionable to say anything too enthusiastic about motherhood. Discussions have shifted from the apple-pie good to the nappy-bin bad or even the fourth-degree-tear ugly.

In national newspapers, women write about losing their identity after having children. The staggering cost of childcare is well-documented, as are fears about babies being bad for the planet. Stories of understaffed, underfunded maternity wards are easy to come by. Everyone knows about the sleepless nights and the delirious tiredness. The lack of housing. The loneliness of parenthood.

Lighter relief can be found in TV programmes such as Motherland, in which hapless fathers and competitive mothers wind each other up at the school gate to great comic effect. In many ways, though, the message is much the same: having children is awful.

Is it any wonder that birth rates are falling? I’ve also read plenty of articles concerned by this fact. These pieces are usually accompanied by pictures of an empty cot or a despondent-looking stork. The underlying message can seem like an accusation. What’s wrong, gals? Why aren’t you all procreating like your mothers and grand-mothers? TikTok…

Half of all women in England and Wales born in 1990 (the year I was born) had not had a baby by their 30th birthday. We are the first generation for that to be the case. But if you look at the ominous portrait being painted of modern motherhood, it might explain why many women are having second thoughts, or at least considering their options.