The death of 'Father Christmas'

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the F-word is vanishing. It’s been insidious, but where once perhaps 20 or 30 years ago it was ubiquitous at this time of year, now – well – you can hardly find it. In fact, look carefully, and you’ll see that Father Christmas is disappearing quicker than an ice cap.

That’s because Father Christmas is being supplanted by a stronger, altogether better-resourced foreign invader: Santa Claus. Browse the shelves of Tesco, Morrisons, Asda and yes, my friends, even Waitrose, and you’ll find dozens of ‘Santa’ themed products – but hardly anything associated with Father Christmas. He is being airbrushed out of Christmas, one paper napkin or foiled chocolate facsimile at a time.

And just like another great American cultural export, the Terminator, Santa feels no pity and takes no prisoners. And so we Brits must join together and save Father Christmas from Santa. It’s nothing personal against Saint Nicholas – I’m sure the 4^th century bishop of Myra was a charming, devout Christian, and possibly even nice to children – but he’s no Father Christmas.