The so-called “crack cocaine of gambling” is a myth. Trust Ed Miliband to believe in it.

The puritan, as devotees of Baltimore’s finest know, is greatly exercised by the fear that someone, somewhere, might be enjoying themselves.

Ed Miliband is a puritan.

And a hopeless, nagging, fish-faced puritan at that. A ninny, in other words.

The Labour leader has a rare gift. He knows, you see, how you should spend your money. What’s more, if you fail to spend your cash in the proper Miliband-approved manner he thinks he should be – nay is! – entitled to coerce you into changing your miserable behaviour.

Of course he is not alone in that. Many politicians are far too free and easy in these matters. But there is a special teeth-grinding awfulness to the way in which Miliband seeks to coerce this fine country’s citizens that never fails to annoy me. Miliband may not think the stars are god’s daisy chain but he still reaches levels of simpering ghastliness that make me think he’s a kind of political Madeleine Bassett.