Rod Liddle says that the row over their radio ‘prank’ has exposed the fact that these two smug, overpaid performers aren’t really that popular. There are no fans to defend them
There’s this new deal being offered by the telephone inquiry service 118 118. If you answer a question correctly, you get to ask as many questions as you want all day, free of charge, and they will answer them. The test question they asked me was: ‘What pop star was born in Finchley on January 21, 1971?’ The answer, obviously, is Emma Bunton, also known as Baby Spice. I got a message of congratulations from 118 118 and the offer of unlimited free inquiries for the day. So I asked them what I should do next — every minute or so for the next eight hours. I am in the hall right now and quite wish to go to the lavatory, but also want a cup of tea. I cannot decide. What do you advise? Should I watch television now or pare my toenails in the bathroom? What is that slightly ominous growling noise coming from the spare bedroom? Is Jeremy Clarke still in it? And so on, all day.
With any luck this offer will be continued; every morning I get asked a simple question about some pop star and after that 118 118 tells me what to do with my life. In the late afternoon, when I was lounging on the sofa not needing any immediate direction to my activities, I asked more straightforward stuff. Like, is Gordon Brown to blame for our current financial mess (no, apparently, he is not remotely to blame). And of the two, who is the more f***ing stupid — Jonathan Ross or Russell Brand? The message came back, at the speed of light: ‘Jonathan Ross is more stupid.’
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