The poor have been sold horse dressed as beef – and they should be compensated

Well at least — so far — no middle-class food has been found to contain large chunks of horsey. It’s all been in the junk they feed the chavs. It’s true that Waitrose withdrew some beefburgers for sale a week or two back, but this was only a ‘precautionary measure’ and later the burgers were found to contain ‘100 per cent beef’, from privately educated cows, according to the supermarket. Thank the lord, etc. Instead, it’s all in the Findus beef lasagne and some unspeakable frozen product from Tesco which masquerades as spaghetti bolognese. Or spaghetti bologneigghhhhhhhhhs, as I daresay the red tops will call it henceforth.

It seems highly likely that more supermarket chavproducts will be revealed to be equine-based over the next few days, bought by obese women in shellsuits who you will hear at the checkout screaming to one of her awful children: ‘Just shut it Jayden, you little slag,’ as she heaves the multipack of crisps and the pizzas and the dead-horse pasta onto the counter.