Jeremy Clarke Jeremy Clarke

The perfect novel to read on morphine

I lived and breathed and dreamed this hallucinatory, alcoholic suicide note

Albert Finney as the sockless honorary consul Geoffrey Firmin in the 1984 film of Malcolm Lowry’s Under the Volcano. [AJ Pics / Alamy Stock Photo] 
issue 25 February 2023

On the last day of my grandsons’ week-long visit, Saturday, I was struck by bone pain of an unsurmised ferocity. I reeled around the cave swearing with incredulity. Shoulders, shoulder blade, ribs, the right arm more or less useless. The day before I had looked in the mirror and found a mass on my neck I hadn’t noticed before, hard to the touch yet tender. Yes, by all means bring it down to Marseille, said the oncologist via email, and I’ll have a look at it. And while I’m at it, I’ll prescribe a stronger morphine dose. How about Monday afternoon?

Up till then I was on 40 milligrams of slow, long-acting morphine twice a day plus a reserve of fast-acting morphine for emergencies. For some reason the village pharmacy is tightfisted with the long-acting morphine capsules yet fantastically generous with these quick-acting ones, of which I have such an abundance that I gave them out last year as Christmas presents.

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