Gstaad
As everyone knows, the balder, shorter and more repellent the seducer, the more lavish the lunch he produces for the dumb blonde. Lunch is that symptom of decadence and dalliance for which there is no longer room in today’s functional world. These days, a rare civilised lunch has only two purposes: the seduction of a lady or the exchange of serious ideas.
The latter was achieved last week at an outdoor lunch with impeccable service and views of snow-capped mountaintops. My friends John and Irina Mappin chose a fresh day and civilised surroundings to discuss Ukraine and introduce me to a 26-year-old blonde, blue-eyed beauty, an AFAB, as we woke folk call a person with a cervix.
Eva Vlaardingerbroek is what used to be known as the type bishops would throw a rock through a stained-glass window for, and she’s as brainy as she’s beautiful. I immediately asked her to marry me and she agreed to an engagement first – ‘as we have plenty of time’. (I’m glad she thinks so.) Eva is a political and cultural commentator, as well as a legal philosopher. She’s a regular on Fox News in America and GB News in Blighty, as well as many other outlets across the world. Leonidas Goulandris, the other guest, couldn’t believe her looks, her brains and her niceness, and rhetorically asked where she had been all our life. (Hitting the books, instead of the nightspots like us fools, that’s where.)
Eva recently led a 40,000-strong march of Dutch farmers against a government that demands they sell their land to the state. The threat is sell or we’ll expropriate, and all this in order to please those numbskulls who glue themselves to motorways and wish to outlaw oil.
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