In Competition No. 2976 you were invited to submit an extract of a speech in which a well-known figure from history comments on a pressing item on today’s news agenda.
Rob Stuart gave Pythagorus’ view on the new Toblerone (not a fan); Frank Upton offered Thomas Crapper’s perspective on transgender public conveniences; and Michael McManus delivered St Paul’s Letter to the Climatians (‘let no rubbish escape recycling and resurrection). The winners take £25. The bonus fiver is Brian Allgar’s.
We, Henry, hereby do encourage thee
To act against the dread LGBT.
Unnatural! We’ve had a wife or two
Who craved the nameless things that women do,
Ofttimes requiring strange vibrating toys.
Our bishops seek debauchery with boys,
And what new devilry now plagues us, when
Some men turn female, women change to men?
Yet which is which? We do not care to guess.
All this, and more, we urge thee to suppress,
For we are made of proper manly stuff,
And sink our sceptre in a bit of fluff.
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