The Heckler: Why I’m allergic to Stephen Sondheim

I came out in a rash when I heard that Emma Thompson was to star in Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd at the Coliseum. Sondheim has that effect on me. And it’s an allergy I bear with pride. I’ve been the victim of a Sondheim evening only once in my life and I emerged feeling as if I’d been shrieked at for three hours by a gorilla with rabies. The show, Sunday in the Park with George, was conceived as an exercise in ‘musical pointillism’ to honour the painter Georges Seurat. Musical pointillism? Come on.

Sondheim has supporters that I admire, like Michael Grandage, and I would put the following questions to these deluded fanatics. Why has Sondheim never had a top 40 hit, apart from ‘Send in the Clowns’ (a mawkishly competent sliver of whimsical self-pity)? Why do today’s star-makers and kiddie-band managers never give Sondheim ‘classics’ to their pop-factory fivesomes? Why did Saturday Night, his first professional outing as composer and wordsmith, have to wait 42 years before receiving its world première? It may be the lyrics.