The Guardian dumps British tea

So now we know just how serious the Guardian is about breaking America: the newspaper has dumped British tea. Not content with the declaration of war on HP Sauce last year, the sandal-wearing bores have found a new enemy lurking within British society: dirty, racist tea. Joel Golby (who writes about ‘general stuff for VICE and the Guardian Guide’) today shines the light of progressive thought on this ‘national disgrace’.

Liking tea is – apparently – ‘the worst possible English trait, up there with colonialism and the class system’. No, they’re really going with this:

‘Liking tea has its roots in colonialism, but making a big thing of enjoying it now is somehow worse. Because it’s morphed, over the ages, from that fragrant hay box academics unearthed this week, which we used to brew and drink like normal people, into something else. It is now at once the twee height of Englishness but also the most basic solution to any problem, a coddle in a mug.

So no HP Sauce, and now no tea, you slurping bigots.