The disturbing rise of the rural Greens

In the shire counties of England, a dark force is rising. No, this isn’t a dreadful attempt at Tolkien fanfiction, but rather the challenging electoral predicament we Conservatives find ourselves in as we confront a new kind of opposition. And this time, the little furry-footed gardening folk are not on the side of the angels. I’m talking, of course, about the rise of the rural Green.

In Suffolk, they are now the protest vote of choice, having taken control of three local councils – one outright and two in coalition. They’re springing up from Surrey to Staffordshire. And this is, I’m afraid, just the beginning.

We like to call them watermelons – green on the outside, red on the inside

Green party policies nationally, let’s be honest, are often taken from the top shelf of the crackpot aisle. The party wants to pare back the military and replace it with handholding and singing kumbaya; ban the advertising of alcohol – heaven knows we’ll need it if ever they get into power; wrench us all from our motor cars; and tax us into submission.