The dangers of vegetarianism

I do not doubt that hot weather occasioned by climate change is the primary cause of the many wildfires we have seen in the UK this summer. But I wonder if they have also become more profuse as a consequence of various authorities desperately attempting to make the countryside more ‘accessible’ to people who, in truth, shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near it.

The more you encourage the dregs of humanity to visit ‘green spaces’, the more likely it is that they will turn up and ruin them. This is a social class of extremely low intelligence but, concomitantly, a vast gustatory appetite – they are unable to go more than 20 minutes without gnawing or slurping something. That explains why they always take with them on these unwise expeditions a disposable barbecue in order to cook their revolting sausages and burgers. Discarded barbecues have caused many of the fires you will have seen reported on your news programmes, and the fire service has demanded they be banned.

Ban the people, I say. A family of them recently descended upon a quiet spot I was enjoying by the side of the (not noticeably depleted) river Wear and immediately started ‘cooking’, sending dense clouds of noisome and quite possibly toxic smoke out and across the dancing, rippling water. Daddy Mackem, Mummy Mackem and three infant Mackems, the youngest of which was about four years old and still unable to utter anything more profound than ‘gnugh’. Having swallowed whole their burgers, they promptly got back in their puke-yellow Nissan Juke and drove off, leaving the smouldering remains behind, along with the plastic carton of an energy drink.

What on earth is the benefit of encouraging these sorts of people to visit the countryside? And yet we continue to do it, turning perfectly pleasant woodland into ‘forest parks’ with ‘forest walkways’ (i.e.