The crazy, corrupt world of the Beijing Olympics

OK sport fans, have you been enjoying the concentration camp Olympics? I’m sure the Uighurs in the Chinese gulag are riveted, especially watching the downhill, the trouble being that most of the one million Muslim prisoners have been issued with Equatorial Guinea-made TV sets, apparatuses that only show crocodiles swallowing humans.

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Joe Biden, in the meantime, has steered clear of the Games and has sent a message via pigeon to the Chinese: ‘You’re way out of line as far as King Kong is concerned and unless you sign the Schleswig-Holstein agreement do not expect any Americans to attend the première of Madame Butterfly.’ Good for you, Joe, you’ve finally woken up to the ‘yellow menace’, as some of us old-timers used to say back in the 1950s. Except that now they have cars instead of rickshaws, and atomic bombs. Biden also threatened to send in the Seventh Fleet if China attacked Taipan, triggering taipan Lord Kadoorie in Hong Kong to demand an explanation.

That China operates outside the bounds where human rights are concerned is undeniable. In DC it is suddenly the season for Chinese-bashing — just look at the latest bulletins emerging from the White House. Biden warned the Chinese against avarice, pride and over-eating, but also signalled to ‘Emperor Hirohito not to interfere with the Olympics in Manchuria’. This has impressed the Bagel Times editorial board, which described Biden’s message as ‘robust, full of sudden insights and profound’. Coupled with Kamala’s caution to Chiang Kai-shek, which the paper described as a ‘fearless and distinctive voice’.

Our very own Boris may also have stayed away from the Olympics but has sent non-stop encouragement to the GB team, promising not only prosecco and a garden party upon their return, but also dirty pictures of Petronella Wyatt taken before he became prime minister.