The bug that failed to bite

In Competition No. 2451 you were asked to imagine that two strangers have met through our column ‘The Love Bug’ and that both have simultaneously posted letters indicating that further meetings are not on. You were invited to provide both letters.

Only once have I responded to a sex advertisement. As a result I found myself outside 231 Majuba Road in some suburb in a light drizzle. I was welcomed by a drab couple, who offered me Nescafé, after which I was invited to enjoy the wife on the rug in front of an electric fire while the husband photographed us from the next room. It was easy to decline, but difficult to find the right words for refusal. This week you were not as amusing as I’d hoped, though I continue to think that the comp was potentially uproarious. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus fiver belongs to Jonathan Taylor.

Dear Very Interesting, It was lovely to meet you under the big round clock at Cardiff station and the knotted handkerchief on your head made you very easy to spot. Would have been nice to get to know you better — a name would have been good — but I suppose on a trainspotting date you need to concentrate quite hard. Not sure I understood ‘assertive’ correctly but I’m afraid your later suggestion wasn’t quite my scene. Good luck with the timetable!

Dear Ex-Model, I enjoyed meeting you on Thursday and I’m sorry it rained. It meant I had to keep wiping my glasses to get the numbers down and couldn’t do much talking. It might have been nice if you’d helped me more, but you seemed preoccupied with keeping dry. Oh well! There’ll be another one along in a minute! PS. Hope I didn’t offend you afterwards — I misread ‘caring’ for ‘caning’.
Jonathan Taylor