The Brexiteer’s guide to Christmas – avoiding arguments and other tips

The best way to avoid Brexit bust-ups is to pretend that Remain folk are right about virtually everything. This may not be easy. A relative arguing for a second referendum will probably say, ‘in a democracy people can change their minds.’ To which the obvious reply is, ‘So change your mind and accept the verdict of 17.4 million Leavers.’ But it’s wiser to nod and ask mildly, ‘Which part of the Brussels charm-offensive has persuaded the largest number of Brexiteers to recant so far?’

Or you may hear someone claiming that the EU’s world-class diplomatic service has guaranteed peace in Europe and beyond for many decades. It’s best to concede the general point while flagging up the odd exception. ‘Catalonia, eastern Ukraine, the land-grab in Crimea, the riots in Athens following the credit crunch, the gilets jaunes protests today and the tens of thousands killed during years of civil disorder in Bosnia, Serbia and Kosovo.