The Arts Council wastes money – and is bad news for art

‘You’re gay.’ That was the first tip I got from a friend who writes applications for Arts Council grants. He was helping me bid for £15,000 to fund my new play on the London fringe. ‘I’m not gay,’ I said. ‘So what?’ he told me. ‘The Arts Council wants you gay. So be gay.’ 

My dealings with the Arts Council introduced me to the crazy world of bureaucratic salesmanship and I was amazed by what I learned. My friend charges £250 a day to help people like me snaffle free dosh. And he’s not unique. Thousands of freelancers like him are busy angling for a slice of the £116.8 million given out annually to fund one-off arts projects (‘open access grants,’ as they call them). For failing artists who can’t get work in the commercial sector, the rewards can be great: grants can total £100,000.

The Arts Council, being an arm of the state, appears to look favourably on the sick, the frail, the poor and the marginalised, or anyone claiming those disadvantages.