Mark Mason has narrated this article for you to listen to.
‘What’s the capital of Albania?’ The correct answer is, of course: ‘Who cares?’ If you’re at a quiz and this is one of the questions, find another quiz. Either you know it’s Tirana or you don’t, and in neither case is there any satisfaction. A really good quiz question is one you can work out. For instance: ‘Which major UK retailer has the same name as Odysseus’s dog in Greek mythology?’ Even if you don’t know your Classics, you can take a mental trip up and down the high street until you arrive at Argos. Or, in the case of one team I encountered, FatFace.
A good quizmaster should also avoid themed rounds. Saying ‘and now – geography’ will produce a groan from at least a quarter of the crowd. The best quizzes (like the one we’re running for readers in The Spectator’s garden on 29 May) rely on nothing more than intriguing questions, such as: ‘Who is the only person ever to serve as a minister under four Labour prime ministers?’ Or: ‘Which world-famous landmark is located on the southern slope of Mount Lee?’ They both pass the ‘even if you don’t get them, you’ll kick yourself when you hear the answer’ test.
Richard Osman, king of the TV quiz show, says that the only two acceptable responses on hearing an answer are ‘I knew that’ and ‘Oh, I never knew that’. A great quiz can teach you things – such as the fact that Lawrence Dallaglio was one of the backing singers on ‘We Don’t Need Another Hero’ by Tina Turner – but it can also make you feel clever.
‘Patented in London in 1845, these items are often used in the castration of farm animals. At the height of his success, the drug lord Pablo Escobar was spending $1,000 a week on them. What are they?’ You can always spot teams as they crack that one, from their muffled cries of: ‘Yes, of course.’
Team names are a source of joy. ‘Agatha Quiztie’ is an old favourite, while recent years have seen a surge in popularity for ‘Quizteam Aguilera’. One of the best was the team from Deutsche Bank, who called themselves ‘Deutsche Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?’ A quizmaster should tailor things to his audience – so with a Spectator crowd I would feel confident about asking: ‘Which year from the past uses the most letters when written in Roman numerals?’ But there must also be a place for the light-hearted question. Marcus Berkmann (once of this manor, and steeped in the art of quiz) sometimes uses: ‘Barry Manilow had a hit with “I Write the Songs”. Did he write that song?’ It’s a 50-50 guess – but the yells of triumph from those who guess correctly are always deafening.
Participants on 29 May will feel confident in the scoring – it’s being done by The Spectator’s economics editor and data king Michael Simmons. You can book as a team (maximum size six), or as an individual and we’ll match you up. What’s more, each team will be joined by a Spectator writer to help them out.
The answers? The Labour minister is Margaret Beckett, the landmark on Mount Lee is the Hollywood sign, the item is the elastic band (Escobar needed them for his cash), and the longest year is 1888. As for Manilow – no, he didn’t write the song.
To book your place at the Spectator quiz on 29 May, go to spectator.co.uk/quiz.
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