The absurd self-pity of Stuart Broad

You are, shall we say, a famous commentator, one of a tiny elite in the British media. You are paid hundreds of thousands of pounds, and are hugely admired. Then at a time of some crisis for others, one of your employers suggests you do 50 columns rather than 52. For exactly the same money, status and prominence. How do you react? Do you start shaking with grief? Do your legs turn to jelly and do you consider immediate retirement? No? Well you’re clearly not following the Stuart Broad guide to working practice.

After being ‘rested’ for the first Test against the West Indies, he gave an extraordinary interview to the Mail on Sunday. ‘Were there thoughts of retirement going round my head? 100 per cent. Because I was so down. I felt I deserved to play. When [Ben Stokes] told me I wasn’t playing, I felt my body go into shakes. I could barely speak. I was really low. I couldn’t go anywhere. I didn’t sleep for two days. I was nowhere.’ Oh do come off it, Stuart; you were rested for a game of cricket. And try to spare a thought for the guys bowling in your place.

Any coach or selector with half a brain will be working out how to replace the Broad/Anderson combo. After all, they won’t be opening the bowling together at the Gabba in the 2021-22 Ashes, though you don’t envy anyone who has to have ‘the talk’ with Jimmy. (And cricket’s not like Ronnie O’Sullivan’s view of snooker’s next generation: ‘If you look at the younger players coming through,’ he said, ‘they are not that good really. Most of them would do well as half-decent amateurs, not even amateurs.