Thank God it’s Thursday

Whitehall’s four-day week

‘What you doing here?’ says a cheerful security guard as I walk through the Houses of Parliament at four o’clock on a Friday afternoon. ‘It’s early closing day.’ He’s right. The corridors are silent; the chambers are bare. There are a few tourists with their guides, some more guards, the odd cleaner … and that’s it.

Where is everyone? Well, Friday is constituency day, as people in politics are quick to tell you. Our elected representatives and ministers are off running ‘surgeries’ with real people. What the insiders tend not to divulge, however, is that when the bosses aren’t around, their underlings sneak off early for the weekend. Friday in Westminster is poets day — ‘piss off early, tomorrow’s Saturday’.

On a recent Friday, I rang most of the Cabinet’s private parliamentary offices, which should be open even if the members are out. I tried Eric Pickles, Andrew Lansley, William Hague, Michael Gove, and Danny Alexander.