Ten resolutions that should make my next 50 years pass more smoothly

Very soon now I shall reach my half-century. I would have preferred to keep the horror a secret but there’s no point. My stock-in-trade as a me-journalist is: everything — good and bad. Also, I have a Wikipedia entry and, perhaps worse, a Facebook page which announces to the world how old you are — and you wake up to find hundreds of people you scarcely know wishing you Happy Birthday, and you’re expected to be gracious about it: like, thanks for reminding me, you’re too kind.

Anyway, I thought that now I’m old and wise I’d make some resolutions. Perhaps they’ll help the next 50 years to pass more smoothly than the first.

1. Be nice. I was watching Rupert Soames at Glastonbury. What an operator. Everyone he meets he makes feel special, wanted, like he’s really interested in them. I’m sure in his case it’s breeding and natural charm but even if you just wanted to deploy it as a cynical tactic it still makes sense.