Ten handy phrases for bluffing your way through election night

The hours between polls closing on election day and the result emerging represent an almighty challenge for journalists and know-alls everywhere. Demand for punditry is huge, yet there is little to say, and nobody knows what is going to happen. Tomorrow evening, The Spectator will launch our own ‘Pundyfilla Award for Inane Political Commentary’ – but until then, here are a few stock phrases that should help everyone (remember, in the age of social media, we must all be journalists) sound as if they know their election onions:

1. ‘What I’m hearing is…’
   The TV correspondent’s best friend. This line suggests an ear to the ground — even if in truth ‘hearing’ means checking Twitter. It hardly matters what you say after, but try swotting up on a few ‘key marginals’ (be sure to use that term) and stay vague, eg: ‘What I’m hearing is, Eastleigh and Reading are looking as tight as expected.’
   
2. ‘We’ve been talking for some time about the death of two-party politics.