Being a journalist, sooner or later, you’ll get a call asking if you want to be in a reality show.
One of the occupational hazards of being a journalist these days is that, sooner or later, you’ll get a call asking if you want to be in a reality show. The reason is simple: we’re just about the only people left in the country who are likely to say yes. It is not just that we’re complete publicity whores — we’re hardly alone in that respect — it is also that we have the perfect excuse: we can pretend we’re just doing it for ‘journalistic reasons’.
I don’t think I’ve ever turned down the opportunity to appear on a reality show. Indeed, earlier this year, I agreed to fly to Kenya and take part in a marathon alongside Les Dennis, Michaela Strachan and Ruby Wax. Unfortunately, I had to pull out when I realised it clashed with another reality show I had already agreed to do in a railway arch in Bermondsey. I’m thinking of changing my answering machine message so it says, ‘Whatever it is, the answer’s yes.’ (For years, this was the outgoing message of John Leslie, the ex-Blue Peter presenter.)
I’ve now done so many reality shows that I’ve had to abandon the journalism excuse. These days, I pretend I’m just doing it for the money — and, in fairness, you can earn a decent living as a reality show contestant. I don’t wish to be unkind to Jade Goody, whom I regard as a sort of role model, but I think it’s unlikely she’d have a net worth of over £2 million if she had never appeared on television.
Of course, the real reason journalists always say yes is because we cannot resist the allure of television.
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