Sunday: All eyes on the opening ceremony for what I’m sure will be a truly memorable performance by world-renowned professional speechmaker William Hague.
Owing to his impressive array of commitments on the premier after-dinner circuit, we don’t get to hear his celebrated humming routine for free too often these days, so book your seats in the hall early for a barnstorming display of one-liners (and something to do with foreign policy).
Theresa May introduces ‘an inspiring presentation of our Social Action projects’.
Bit of a problem with this one, I’m afraid. You would think candidates in marginal seats might be grateful for the chance to take their minds off leafleting by renovating the odd village hall in the name of Being the Change. Well, apparently not.
We could only find two candidates with anything useful to showcase — a chap in the Midlands who’s turned a derelict scout hut into a Mother and Toddler Glass-Blowing Club and a silly woman in East Anglia who’s spraypainted a herd of sheep green.
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