Taki’s Christmas gift to readers: a masterclass in the art of seduction

Here is my Christmas gift to Spectator readers, one that applies mostly to unmarried males, but is also available to married ones who might wish to test if that old magic still works. (Female readers of the best magazine in the whole wide world might also pick up a few hints.) This is, of course, not to be confused with the amateurish, vulgar and embarrassing inventory of the American Julien Blanc on how to pick up women. His guidance is meant for tattooed beer drinkers trying to pull drunken slags in cheap bars. Mine is for gentlemen endeavouring to make an impression on ladies and well brought-up young women. Here we go:

Needless to say, the way to success with the fairer sex cannot be taught. One either has it or one doesn’t. Politeness comes first — that and humour. Make a girl laugh and you’re halfway there. Never harass, never beg, never insist too much. (Choking as foreplay is a real no-no.) Wit and self-deprecation are indispensable. Ever since I began to look my age, I’ve become more polite than usual, and when the opportunity arises, I approach the lady or ladies in question and ask, smilingly, if any of them are at all interested in a much older man. Women are much nicer than men, and in all the years I’ve been trying this, all but one have laughingly said yes. I never thought it would work in Greece, but the last time I was there, two months ago, I approached a table of five girls who were looking awfully jolly — and in their cups — asked them this particular question and they roared with laughter. Because of a slight accent when I speak Greek, one of them mistook me for an American, and said in a low voice, ‘The oldie is cute.’