Take your pick

In Competition No. 2441 (wrongly numbered 2443) you were invited to choose a title of a well-known work of fiction and write an amusing poem with the same title.

This gave rise to much comic lateral thinking. Esther Waters featured the hosepipe ban, Scoop followed a dog on a walk, Orwell’s title was transmuted into a rugby disaster: ‘Our side lost 19–84’, I was informed that ‘finnegans wake at half-past ten’ and told of Howard’s gory end. Godfrey Bullard and Bill Greenwell are unlucky runners-up. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and Noel Petty runs away with the bonus fiver.

Life of Pi
When I was young in ancient Galilee,
The learned sages thought I was but 3,
For Hiram traced a circle on the ground
‘10 cubits wide and 30 cubits round’.
Then Archimedes came and pushed me through
As far as 3.141 (or 2).
Ptolemy was next; his arithmetic tricks
Added a rather speculative 6,
But Tsu Ch’ung-Chi, a Chinese fan of mine,
Pinned me at 3.14159.
In