Steerpike | 27 June 2013

The PM was keeping his enemies close at a Tory fundraiser last week at Old Billingsgate Market. Dave exchanged uneasy smiles with his deadliest rival, Boris, who was seated on the same table as him. And something else seemed slightly fishy at the former herring exchange. Guests noticed that there were rather fewer tables than there have been in years past. Even a speech from the Prime Minister couldn’t lift the atmosphere. One attendee remarked afterwards, ‘It was a typical Cameron speech, thoroughly unmemorable.’

Dear old Darwin is to be culled from the new version of the ten-pound note. The outgoing Bank of England Governor, Mervyn King, has hinted that Jane Austen is hot favourite to replace the naturalist. But the multi-Oscar-nominated queen of chicklit faces stiff competition from John Milton, who has numerous claims in his favour. For starters, he was severely disabled, which is enormously fashionable nowadays. He held high public office for many years without ever being accused of adultery, house-flipping or grooming lobbyists to give convincing answers to parliamentary select committees.