‘Wow, that’s brave,’ said John Kampfner, the former editor of the New Statesman. ‘I’d never do that.’ I had just told him I’d agreed to be on Have I Got News for You and, as soon as he said this, I began to have second thoughts.
‘Oh Christ. D’you think I’ve made a terrible mistake?’
‘It depends how quick-witted you are,’ he said.
He was right — and the truth is I’m not that quick on my feet. For instance, when I appeared on Question Time in 2005 I had to field one of those dreadful ‘funny’ questions at the end and completely fluffed it. The exchange went like this:
Audience member: If the two contenders for the Tory leadership were animals, what animals would they be?
David Dimbleby: OK, have we got any wits on the panel? Who’s got a quick answer? Toby Young?
Me: Er, two velociraptors disguised as teddy bears?
I have not been asked back since.
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