Spectator Competition: Wrong ’un?

In Comp. 3360 you were invited to submit a passage or poem in which a fictional villain offers their side of the story. There were multiple Satans, Jaws and Hannibal Lecters (chapeau to George Head’s version, just trying to solve the protein supply chain problem). There were also more Moriartys than you can shake a stick at – impossible to choose between them. Congratulations (and £25) to the following.

Serpent, since when has it been serpent, only it sounds worse than snake, which is what I am, and, by the way, we can’t talk, can we, so how am I supposed to have told that woman to eat that apple? If it was an apple – the official Genesis Report didn’t say. Snakes don’t eat apples anyway, we eat small furry rodents, so maybe I asked her to try a juicy fieldmouse? And
as for this crap about being used by the devil like a ventriloquist’s dummy, where does he come in? I can’t see any mention of him in Genesis either.