Lucy Vickery

Spectator competition winners: Winston Churchill and Donald Trump take on the role of agony uncle

The latest challenge was to cast a well-known figure on the world stage, living or dead, in the role of agony aunt/uncle, submitting a problem of your invention and their solution. Adrian Fry, channelling Emperor Nero, had these nuggets of wisdom for Worried of Dorking, who is concerned about his grandson’s pyromania: ‘I agree that you must act now, preferably in a fully costumed production of The Sack of Troy. I was a tremendous success in just such a production, which entirely eclipsed in impact what I am told was a local conflagration not dissimilar to those your grandson has sought to bring about…’ Other strong performers were Paul Carpenter, Sylvia Fairley and Brian Allgar. The winners below take £25 each. Bill Greenwell gets £30.

Bill Greenwell (Winston Churchill) My boyfriend says I should ‘give in’ to his advances. What’s your advice?

Some boyfriend; some cheek. I would observe that many of his ilk have tried to break down such defences, but few have succeeded, at least, not honourably.

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