Spectator competition winners: why baked beans should be banned

In Competition No. 3340 you were asked to submit a poem calling for a particular food to be banned.

It was Julie Bindel’s impassioned anti-balsamic vinegar piece that prompted me to invite you to share your culinary bêtes-noires (three of mine – Battenberg, tripe and Liquorice Allsorts – cropped up in the entry). Adrian Fry and Colin Brewer were thinking along the same lines with twists on Betjeman’s ‘Slough’; both earn commendations, as does Frank McDonald’s villanelle in dispraise of the lamb chop and Brian Murdoch’s anti-cucumber rap. The winners, led by Bill Greenwell (with echoes of Christopher Smart’s cat Jeoffry), earn £25.

For I would outlaw the potato crisp.
For there are only 22 crisps in a standard bag.
For that is only about 10% of the space available.
For that is only about one of God’s potatoes.
For that is about 35p a potato, even on a Multi-Buy.
For having eaten one packet, you need to eat another one smartly.
For