Spectator competition winners: Was Thomas Hardy a stalker?

The call for letters from a fictional character to his, hers or its creator complaining about their portrayal brought in a mammoth entry bristling with outrage. John Milton was bombarded with complaints by the thoroughly hacked-off cast of Paradise Lost. Wodehouse, too, got it in the neck from a parade of cheesed-off Bertie Woosters (Aunt Agatha wasn’t overly happy either). The Grinch gave both barrels to Dr Seuss (‘To be here in You-ville does NOT make me happy’). And Billy Bunter called out Frank Richards for fat-shaming. There were sparkling performances from Mae Scanlan, Roger Rengold, C.J. Gleed, Robert Schechter, J. Seery and Max Ross. The excellent entries printed below earn their authors £25 each.

Sylvia Fairley Weak and weary, ever yearning, when the       midnight oil is burning; In a rare trochaic meter bygone sorrows you       explore. As you sit there ruminating, pondering your       woes, I’m stating That I find it nauseating, this obsession with       Lenore, For you treat me with derision, eulogise your       teenage whore, Sadly, not your only flaw.

Perching on the bust of Pallas, I’m appalled that       you’re so callous: ‘Grim, ungainly, ghastly fowl’ — words that cut       me to the core, For my mood is bright and cheery, resting in my       sculptured eyrie — You portray me gaunt and scary, calumny that I       deplore.