In Competition No. 3248, you were asked to submit the last will and testament of a fictional character.
In a smallish entry, Frank McDonald’s Ancient Mariner made a splash:
To make amends with my last breath I must give more than words, So my small fortune I bequeath To a charity for birds.
I was amused, too, by Brian Murdoch’s Lucky Jim Dixon: ‘I desire to be cremated, and for my ashes be placed in a rolled-up copy of the Daily Mail and inserted up the bum of Professor Ned Welch, while, and this is very important, they are still hot’; Alan Millard’s Mrs Malaprop: ‘Being of round mind and not acting under duress or undue influenza, I do hereby decline this to be my last will and testicle…’; and Bill Greenwell’s Owl: ‘THIT LATH WITLWILL ANDESTY TSTSTA MENTO OF WOL (ME)…’
Mike Morrison, John O’Byrne and David Shields were also unlucky losers, narrowly outstripped by the winners, printed below, who pocket £30 each.
I, Miss Bates of Highbury, being – as my friend Miss Woodhouse so cleverly and often observes – of empty mind and full body, am grateful this is my last Will and Testament, another being quite beyond my powers.
Comments
Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just $5 for 3 monthsAlready a subscriber? Log in