Spectator competition winners: the facts of life according to Dumbledore

The call for lessons in the facts of life courtesy of a well-known character in fiction sent many of you running to children’s stories for inspiration.

While Jayne Osborn recruited Dr Seuss — ‘Doing sex is good fun, and it’s easy to do./ Let me demonstrate, using Thing One and Thing Two…’ — Ted Harrison imagined know-all Owl’s attempt to enlighten his fellow inhabitants of Hundred Acre Wood: “‘The procrastination of the species is achieved through sectional hypocaust between contenting members….” Pooh’s attention began to wander. He started to think of lunch, and then tea and of honey sandwiches at bed-time and began dreaming of being sticky and happy.’

Dickens characters were also a popular choice in an entry that was, on the whole, skilfully and sensitively done. The prizewinners below receive £25 each.

Chris O’Carroll (Molesworth) 

As any fule kno, gurls are utterly wet and weedy and no boy in his rite mind wish to speke or pla with them.