Spectator competition winners: ‘The Donald – as I call him – is a secret I can’t share’: poems suitable for inclusion in ‘Now We Are Rich’

For the latest competition you were invited to submit a poem suitable for inclusion in Now We are Rich. There was no obligation to write in the style of A.A. Milne, but most of you did. I enjoyed Barbara Kirby’s neat take on Milne’s ‘A Thought’ :

If I were Ted and Ted were me, Then he’d sit here and I’d serve tea. If Ted were me and I were Ted, I’d dump it on the bleeder’s head.

There were stellar performances, too, from D.A. Prince, Warren Clements, Max Gutmann, Martin Parker and George Simmers, who were unlucky to go unrewarded. The winners printed below take £30 apiece. Bill Greenwell lands the bonus fiver for his ‘Binker’-inspired entry.

Bill Greenwell The Donald — as I call him — is a secret I can’t share The Donald is the reason why I have such golden hair Making market killings, stealing from the poor Whatever cut I’m taking, the Donald tells me, ‘More!’

Oh Murdoch is a stinker and he has a giant wad And Billy Gates has more inside his bank account than God And Branson is Branson, blond and rather odd But they can’t touch The Donald

The Donald’s on the dais, with his wallet making free And tells the world to take a running jump or else agree He twinkles like a diamond with his broad expensive jaws And makes more money every time he milks them for applause