Spectator competition winners: songs for a parliamentary songbook

In Competition No. 3311, you were invited to submit a song suitable for inclusion in a parliamentary songbook.

In an entry in which most scored pleasingly high on singability, W.S. Gilbert rubbed shoulders with Simon & Garfunkel and the Kinks. An honourable mention to Emily Matthews, but leading the winners below, who take £30 each, is Bill Greenwell’s twist on ‘Dedicated Follower of Fashion’.

The Speaker’s here, the Speaker’s there,
His breeches tight against his Chair –
He may name and shame you, so he’s rarely second-guessed
For he’s a venerated model of dispassion
And when you catch his beady eye
He calls you up, voice extra-dry
Listening to your subtext and by politesse obsessed
For he’s a venerated model of dispassion
Oh yes he is (oh yes he is), oh yes he is (oh yes he is)

There’s one thing he is and that’s non-partisan
He wears a little lanyard so we all know who he is
Yes, he’s a venerated model of dispassion
His world is Erskine May, and all procedure
He likes to purse his lips and keep them buttoned up quite tight
For he’s a venerated model of dispassion
Oh he’s a venerated model of dispassion

Bill Greenwell